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Order a Book About Yourself?

Well…not exactly. 

However, I am offering an exclusive package that you will not find anywhere else and you won’t find it at this price: $20.00 via Paypal.

For those of you who do not know- my estranged husband passed away last week. As a result, we still need to pay bills and make way for whatever is to come in terms of getting my son, Aidan back home. Therefor, this is…a huge freaking favor you are doing us should you opt to order anything from me. As such, there is a pretty high probability of my actually tucking more in here than what I am listing. The thing is, I can do these with a fair amount of quickness and get them out efficiently- ergo, if I can sell many, many of them: this would be amazing.


What can you expect?

Well, a full Natal Report- which from me looks like: (Click links to see examples.)

This or This, depending on if you have your time of birth or not. Then, I throw in this Major Life Themes Report. 

This is all well and good- but, then, I throw in a Solar Return Report and a Lunar Return report for the month ahead. Unless, of course, you want more than just the month ahead, in which case, you can add on $5.00 per extra month and get the whole year in advance if you like for another $30, which is half of what you pay buying each month ala carte, so to speak.

So at this juncture, essentially, say you just wanted the basic package- you ORDER THAT HERE for $20.00 and you get your full natal, major life themes, solar return, and lunar return for the month of May to June, unless other wise specified. (Got some shit going on in August? Just ask, I’ll do it for August. Or whenever.) If you want more months than just the one- ORDER THAT HERE and just include $5 dollars extra per month after the $20 when you fill it out. (For example, you want the package plus 6 months, you shoot me $50.00 total and I am grateful.) Want that package plus a year? ORDER THAT HERE.  That technically makes more sense than 6 months, as it is the same price- but, that’s really up to you.

Make sure that you email me at next with:

The paypal email you sent payment from so that I know who is ordering what. (As in, sometimes, people have different contact emails than their paypals- so, this is very helpful.)

Your name

Day of birth, Month of Birth, Year of Birth and time of birth.

Place of birth.

Current location.

If you have one month you’d rather look at, let me know.

Depending on the size of the report, it’ll take me anywhere from 24-48 hours to get it out to you, via email.

Now, what if you are lovesick or dealing with love issues and want that? I can do that, also. Instead of $20.00, ORDER A ROMANTIC REPORT PACK HERE for $30.00. That’s your chart, their chart and your combined chart. If you do not have their birth data, I am sorry, but you are shit out of luck- not much I can do. However, I think even in that case, you’ll find the above package en solo provides quite a few valuable insights into your love life anyway.

If you do not know your time of birth, here’s the thing- the report options above work with the facets of your chart you CAN do without that. I don’t really do estimates as they’re often inaccurate. So, yes, you can still do this. HOWEVER, if you’ve been itching to figure out why a lot of your astrology stuff doesn’t seem to fit- we can set up an appointment to talk rectification of your chart. It’s a process, so be ready for a process. I will yack at you about how this is done for free- and if you decide that’s what you want to do, we can talk turkey from there. Email me at to do that.

What will you not get?

If you are looking for someone to blow smoke up your ass or otherwise just be real vague yet validating- please don’t order anything from me. I can totally appreciate that desire, ’cause sometimes, you just need ego strokins and love: but it’s not especially my thing. If you’re looking for a bit of a roadmap and a way to compartmentalize some life changes so you can get on ’em? I may be your gal. I make no particular commentary about the Woo factor here, but often when you are confused about things- it is pretty helpful to have them outlined this way. Additionally, it’s pretty damned amusing and interesting even if you are not confused. Plus, well, help a family out.

I also do not have a tremendous amount of time to book appointments to work through these, though I have been known to answer follow up questions in a basic sense. However, if you are interested in Skype appointments, we can possibly talk about that but I’ve got sorting of a whole bunch of unexpected things as well as training for my job and summer course work to do- so, those spots are VERY limited.



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