Skip to content

Ir-regularly Scheduled Tarot

Mercury Retrograde Edition

So, here’s what I am doing- truth is, lately I’ve been putting in for a bunch of mundane gigs because frankly- freelance life isn’t something I’m willing to commit my suddenly larger by 2 family’s stability to at this juncture. At the same time, though: am I gonna sit around refreshing my email and losing my shit over it? Nah. So, I figured I’d keep on writing. There’s another reason for this, which I will announce just as soon as the tickets go on sale. Point being, if I don’t keep busy, I drive myself nuts thinking about things and worrying I’m not doing as well in my college courses and all sorts of crap like that.

Mercury Retrograde META! 

So, I have become meta as shit as have a lot of astrologers. What started out as a bunch of us being like “Uh uh, that’s not…it’s not…you guys! That’s now how this works…” has become just some meta thing. You got all these people freaking out about Mercury retrograde- which happens three, sometimes four times a year: and you got lots of astrologers going “Hey, it doesn’t…you know, this can be a good thing, right?” 

“…but not like a good thing when they fluffy up Saturn retrograde. That shit’s just stupid as hell.”

It is. I know very few people who know their shit who are either going full on Care Bears over anything- or making it sound like we’re all gonna die. Anybody not singing the astrological version of the Facts of Life theme song’s probably full of shit.

For a bit now, once a week, I take pretty photos of cards I draw as I walk around my house. It’s become its own thing, really, and then, I sit down and I write about them. While lots of people have bookshelves or otherwise dedicated to their cards, I pretty well have ’em all over my house along with a shitload of other things. People talk about their altars and whatnot, which is a bit perplexing to me- I’m not giving my cards to my ancestors or the house wights. The only thing bearing resemblance to an altar I have: back when I got the deck you’ll soon see pictured- I did create something, but that was out of respect more than anything. I got to reading about Santa Muerte and at that time- man, death had already been a constant figure in our lives: I was disinclined to upset the Lady further by being a disrespectful jackass. I asked a friend how to do it without being one of those culture vulture shitheads. You won’t see it: but, I’m not opposed to giving a smoke and otherwise here and there. For sure.

This morning…

I didn’t notice anything was amiss this morning until after I’d gotten my coffee and sat down. For the past few weeks, I wake up with vertigo so bad everything gets all spinny- even before I get out of bed. Sooooo I tend to ease on into my day a little. Surreal meets…well, my life, which is pretty surreal anyhow. I look over and…

That’s in the place next to my desk- that is paint on the floor: the tenants before us really wrecked some shit and our landlord offered to refinish the floor but…I love it. There are lots of splatters and imperfections that I think are nifty. But…the hell did the cat food wind up in the bags? And why? I suspect I’ve got a 5 year old who knows but will tell me he does not.

So, you know, I read through reddit because my reddit timeline is history, gardening, and goofy memes but very little political bullshit. I do my stretches. Hit the middle of the second cup of coffee- and, well, some of you know what happens. So, I’m heading to the bathroom when…

The bench isn’t usually there- that I can explain though. Ever try re-arranging with a broken ankle? I’ve got it immobilized and absolutely it hurts like hell but…man, when I can’t stand the set up, I can’t stand the set up. Except- got to a point where it set to howling something fierce so I had to stop. The cards all over the place and the cat…that…though…

Well, I thought, Maybe there’s somethin’ to this shit. You know how those people clutz out and say it’s the cards doing the speaking?

Except, that’s two decks. The Santa Muerte Tarot by Fabio Listrani and Under the Roses Lenormand. (Do them both a solid and like those pages. Pop a comment, tell them I sent you- helps their pages get seen in Facebook’s algorithm which now decidedly shits on small business.)

Alright, I’ll check it out before I clean it up,  I figure, heading over to snap a couple photos- because, why the heck not?

You know, I originally contemplated doing the tarot thing as Mrs. Tibbits. That’s right, tarot from my cat. I think she’s pissed I didn’t, because ever since I started publishing, there she is- every night, sleeping on top that china cabinet Kurt’s dad made us.

I defy you to figure out which part of the above paragraph is the most irrational. Anyway.

I’m given to understand you’d try to see which one stands out- mmm. 2 of Swords? Maybe…uh…WAIT!
Well…that makes it a bit easier. The Man, The Woman, and 10 of Pentacles. There are no reversals in Lenormand, so don’t worry about all that. Granted, there are also no Chinese take out menus in Lenormand or Tarot, either. We haven’t ordered from that place yet because the place up the street is insanely cheap and gives you tons of food- you just gotta go pick it up, which is no big deal. The delivery place is a bit spendy and not knowing if we can stretch the portions out a couple days- we haven’t tried it, yet.


Blending Lenormand and Tarot and..throwing in some Mercury Retrograde shit. If you didn’t know- yes, Mercury stations retrograde on July 26th but, some say you’ll get whanged a bit prior to that during the shadow phase which began July 7th, in Leo. I am always a bit unorganized and a bit of a clutz with shit communication skills: so, if it does, I have never noticed it.

See, this is the part where I think I’m supposed to go “AH HA! THE CARDS, They go with this!” except, they do not. This Mercury Rx is…man, it’s a pissy bitch. It’s practically crossing its arms, making the cat asshole face and tapping its foot at me.

Actually, this particular retrograde’s not the pissy bitch. If you look- it really doesn’t have any aspects to it, so it’s just your average pain in the ass. Slow down, take your time, weigh your words. No big deal.

….but….that T square, though. Yargh. Oh and the eclipse the day after- but I will get to that as we get closer.

A T-Square in astrology is when you’ve got these points in opposition which make a square with two other points and what happens, then is, well, you get this pattern in the middle there with the aspects that looks like a T. This T happens to be crammed squarely in Uranus.

Look for the little guy that looks like this up there. If you know that Taurus is a little bull head- you’ll see Taurus, First house…and there’s Uranus.

So, we’re looking at Uranus. Wait, put the hand mirror down, I’m talking about the planet. The opposition in question is all ego and ambition. It’s the Sun and Mars. So, we got rebellion, we got ego and we got pissed off drive. What could possibly go wrong with that?

This T Square may be crammed in Uranus but your head needs to not be. 

I’m going to use this because Bill Murray captures the essence perfectly and I have always thought Eric Calderone is just the cutest Youtube guy there is. The thing is, though- I have this particular quote saved on my phone. It’s actually my alarm.

I will just keep writing about this the whole way through ’cause frankly- it’s great fodder to keep on writing and far as I know most people just give you the skinny at the start and maybe the end- so, why the fuck not?

You wanna make something good come of this rather than bitch about it relentlessly each time it comes around or not? I mean, if you’re looking for something to validate crappy choices on your part and others- I guess you could keep on. It’s up to you.

Since I am throwin’ out covers…


Feeling stuck? Held back? Are you finding that every time you take two steps forward, you wind up two back on your ass in the mud?

Why you putting up with that shit?

Why are you bitching about people who aren’t putting up with that shit?

Hate to tell you kitten, but that’s not whining- that’s enacting change. I get some of you dislike change to the point you’ll sit in your own shit for decades- but, some of us tend to feel otherwise ’bout all that.


Right now, in addition to all this stuff- you can just picture Saturn Retrograde’s the Dad and Jupiter- now direct as of July 10th is the Mom. Dad’s not entirely incorrect in trying to get you to get your shit together, but jeez. What a dick. Mom…Mom sometimes gives in a bit too much which can make you a bit self indulgent.

And then, there’s Uranus.

Rebels without a clue usually wind up dead or just come off as edgelord shitheads. You want to make change- you need a bit of rebellion. But, it’s got to be a bit more intelligent and directed- this is where Mercury Retrograde can actually be your goddamn best friend and three or four times a year: you get reminders of this which many of you patently ignore- Mercury’s a MESSENGER GOD.

None of this shit in any way controls you. It doesn’t make your choices for you. It doesn’t curse you to bullshit you cannot stand. Systems in place might. Your own self destructive tendencies might. The issues you have wanted to ignore but…never can- those play havoc. You know what astrology does? Influences. Prods. Pokes. Oooh, Ghost came on after that. Hell yes, Square Hammer. God, I love random Youtube playlists.

Er…yeah, getting organized…

So, what my advice to you for now is: what’s making you mad? What’s frustrating you?

Hiding from the light…sacrificing nothing… 

Indeed. Passion is a wonderful thing but without direction, without organization, without being willing to give up some things or make some changes- your passion’s worth about a fart in a high wind.

… those cards….

Man and Woman Lenormand combo sets our stage- howdy there, Animus, what’s up? Whenever I draw this, I usually remind myself of the balance within- my masculine and feminine but it’s more than that. Everything you’ve been searching for within somebody else- all the bad, the good, it’s within you, first. To me, that’s the real message behind Animus/Anima: what I love about you, what I hate about you- it’s all really just me. Echos of my own bullshit. For those of you learning Lenormand who want to know more, you pop on over to Lisa Boswell’s site. She’s the best.

She talks of the Man and Woman combinations other meaning- and you know, each one of these has a few: but it can sometimes indicate the most important woman to a man. The only reason I’m not running with that one is: oh it inspired a nice rant because it did in fact apply personally. I’ve got the notes in another tab.

For this reading however- I’m going with another interpretation: unity. Harmony. I am doing this because I am blending it with astrology and frankly: getting shit together as a Mercury retrograde standard.

Plus, that 10 of Pentacles.

Cats sleeping wherever they damn well please isn’t a sign from the universe. It’s just cats. The thing is, though: “Get your shit together as a couple, succeed” has been a running theme of late in my own life. Made me smile. Maybe the cat is worried she won’t have food to tuck into random plastic bags. (My large collection of plastic bags which I do reuse happens to be close by, also, incidentally.) Maybe it’s all just meaningless random shit that happened but either way- I can look at these things and tell you that your regularly scheduled cards plus the upcoming Mercury station retrograde: get your shit together.

Getting your shit together’s always a good thing, irrespective of whatever else happens to be going on. But, if you happen to be on the way to getting your shit together and you feel passionately rebellious, vocal and fed up with what’s holding you back…well, even better.

“Well? You ready to get unstuck and unfucked?”

Actually, she was pretty annoyed with me for grabbing my cards and stacking them neatly elsewhere, which disturbed her sleep- but, it works here, too. 

Let me open the series with the kick off, the thing I know to be true beyond all else:

When it seems as though apathy and hate are all around- love and compassion, INCLUDING SELF LOVE AND COMPASSION are the most rebellious acts of a loving soul you can possibly engage in. Be good to others- but take no shit. And be good to yourself. 


One thought on “Ir-regularly Scheduled Tarot Leave a comment

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: