For as much as is said about the 1st nodal return- or, even just that time frame when kids are stepping into adulthood at 18-19: it’s weird to me how much of a joke we’ve made of the second one. I have also always been a bit perplexed at 30 being seen as old- long before I was anywhere close to 40 as I am, now.
Astrologically speaking, our 30’s bring about some hefty changes. Not even speaking astrologically, they usually do, too. Now, you consider this a second from astrology’s perspective: right around the time we go from 29 to 30, we get our much feared Saturn Return. Much ado has been made about that and in my experience- yeah, it sucked. So, you’re getting your bearings from that when ….BAM. If you do progressions, your Progressed Sun pals around in that first aspect to your Natal and you suddenly start wondering “The fuck am I even DOING?! Is this right? Am I doing the right things? Shit Shit Shit.”
Right around 36, you hit your third Jupiter return which can feel pretty great. Or it can seriously suck. It just depends on other things going on in your chart and in general. While Jupiter is often seen as a seriously awesome influence: it’s not so great if you’re over-indulging or otherwise doing stupid shit. Sometimes, we feel like “Yeeeah, I can get away with everything!” and Saturn, hanging out somewhere in your chart is like, “Um, forget about me, asshole? Guess what?”
You’d think this shit was all about balance or something, I don’t know.
The general idea there is that you’re supposed to look the truth you’ve hidden underneath all the comforting bullshit in the eyeball, you’re supposed to grow, develop and just like our First Nodal Return people are moving from childhood to adulthood: we’re cutting the bullshit, and moving into a new cycle of things, too. You know, balancing the adult responsibilities with still yet enjoying yourself and working towards a future without utterly shitting the bed.
One thing that I have emphasized to my eldest, from about the time they went into high school is this: there is a way that things should go. They do not always but I have always tried my best to encourage it in my kids. The way things should go is this: you’ve got certain LEVELS of responsibility at certain junctures in your life. Ideally. Not all of us got that. So, I’m not running full steam pushing my infant to use the shitter, because, an infant has no idea what a shitter is, let alone what this stuff coming out of its ass is.
The infant screams, it poops, it needs comfort and food. That’s pretty much it for the infant’s responsibility. Jump ahead to kids Fish’s age- he’s 5. It baffles me that parents and other people really expect a 5 year old is going to “behave”. Or for that matter, taking that shit personally. It’s what they’re supposed to do. You, as the adult, are supposed to be smarter than the 5 year old in terms of how you help them learn to do so and why. If you are shocked when your kids attempt to get away with things- man, premature greying must be your jam.
I mean, think about that one a minute- he can finally get around really well on his own. He can use all sorts of fun and interesting words, which he watches impact those he uses them at. He’s got some problem solving skills but the patience level of…well, a 5 year old. And the emotions. Same of any age, regardless of how bright we are- it is what it is. Kids need structure in balance. You can’t MAKE them be and you also can’t let them fall in horrifying ways. Their milestones, are, in very real ways- ours, too. Raising them to let them go.
When confronted with incredibly normal teenage rebellion- people have a lot of different approaches and I won’t even get into that shit because I hate the tedious Parentier Than Thou crap. But, as we are talking about Kurt and his Nodal Return, you know what he did when the young Lion that is my eldest roared at him? He roared back in a goofy tone which remains a joke to this day. Let me remind you of the man who’s chart you’re dealing with here:
Right, right. You’re absolutely right. The eldest is not the only one who’s experienced the utterly frustrating- leading into calming and eventually, “Alright, so I was taking myself too seriously there..” thing. On the other hand, at some juncture, we’ll talk about what impact on CAPTAIN COMFORT ZONE meeting LITTLE MISS EXPLOSIVE TRANSFORMATION was. And is. We both change each other. It’s awesome.
Point being, though: Kurt is incredibly adept at handling “How far can I go?” with kids. “Let’s see how far- ah ah ah, now you need to clean up all that shit that just exploded. Think you’ll watch better next time? I’m not cleaning it for you, but here, let me show you some ideas for making that a little less painful…”
If you bear in mind you are teaching this person- start to finish- to be a person. To do awesome shit, to recover when they fuck up and so on: you may be better served. Recognizing that they are in fact a person and developing more into who that person is all the time and will continue to, that’s probably a good thing. It’s scary as shit and VERY easy to fuck that up- but, it’s a hell of a lot better than actually thinking you’ll shield them from making the same shitty life choices you did. No, they’re going to make all their own shitty life choices. You’re supposed to teach them how to think them through a bit better, accept responsibility for them, and yeah, recover when they fall on their ass.
Okay, that was a bit of a rant. Sorry. Ahem.
So, the way I talk about my darling, wonderful man you might think: “Wow, Kurt really has his shit together.” Kurt has a terrific talent for making it appear his shit is together. (Can I also just say that the truth is, nobody actually ever has their shit together. Not like you probably think.) The chain of astrological and life events that started rolling around his 30th was plenty enough to bring forth the Arrested Development narrator to tell him: In fact, no, Kurt did not have his shit together.
That said: taking a look back at where he was in his life, and what he was doing, it was fine. For then. But, moving on into Greater Adulthood with explosive Mars-Plutonian force?
Not so much.
So, you hit this Jupiter return and it tangles all up in everything else you’ve got going on- and you get one HUGE motherfucker of a cycle wherein: you need to look at some things. Now, my own Jupiter return, I was making a lot more money than I ever had but refusing to look at how I was throwing it at pointless users in some weird attempt at Martyrdom validation. I was also in tremendous conflict with my own convictions. You know, everyone talks about this shit like it’s such a LUCKY LUCKY time: I mean, c’mon, it’s Jupiter, right? I got sued for freaking defamation when I finally said: “No no no, I can’t.” Granted, that was when I began making some considerably positive changes and serendipity stepped in: I recovered pretty fast, wasn’t ruined, started taking a long hard look at the other truths I’d been ignoring.
You know what Kurt got for his Jupiter return? Put into a medical coma. One of the hardest won lessons of Jupiter is: too much is too damn much. You get so exhausted you take a nap in a closed truck in July- you’re gonna find out mighty quick you’re too much. He did. (It’s actually kind of creepy looking at his progressed and otherwise around then.)
So, the thing of it all was- he had been making some remarkably positive changes. He had taken a look at…eeeh, we’ll put it right around half of the truths he’d ignored. Some of those things he just couldn’t ignore, some of them he no longer wanted to. Well…so, moving on, coming to roughly 3 months after 37.
The Second Nodal Return
I have often heard it said that when we’re dealing with the North and South Nodes- we’re dealing with not just issues of The Self but of authenticity. Who we are, not just in Persona but in full. That is, as it turns out, pretty fucking hard for a lot of people for a lot of different reasons.
You hit this second return- and you’re looking at a whole new array of things you just didn’t have any clue about at 18. You know you can’t avoid the changes that come with life- been there, done that on that one: but what the hell do you do?
Hope gets kind of mean at this point. You get hopeful, you think “YEAH, I am on my way!” but then…wah wah wah. False starts and stops are a thing.
No longer being able to hide from the things childhood and even early adulthood allowed you to is hard. Understanding that escapism doesn’t do anything, is also hard. Coming to a point of realizing that what you thought you knew ain’t- that’s hard. Over the course off the past 10 years to now- it’s starting to become apparent that the comfort zones we sought were actually harming us and hindering what we wanted- but also: holy shit, was what we wanted what we actually desired?
I can’t tell you how many people do some massively stupid shit out of doubt and fear at this point: or how many take some absolutely magnificent risks out of hope and KNOWING things have to change- but it’s a lot. Think about how many really fucked up divorces or life changes you’ve seen around you in people between 37 and 38.
This return is really big on “Who am I, based on what I Do?” The thing is, by this point in our lives- you shouldn’t be conflicted inside in terms of who are are and who you show people. Again with the “shoulds” and “shouldn’t”s, right?
Leo North Node- Aquarius South Node
Look, first things first if this is your 2nd Nodal Return here’s a thing you HAVE to know about it- it isn’t tact to be aloof. It isn’t diplomacy to keep your deep waters still on the outside when really you want to rise up like a kraken and eat somebody. And you can bet your ass that damn near everything challenging in the years between here: is going to not just push the emotional buttons, it’s going to get one of those big ol’ Whack a Mole hammers after them.
You have to deal with it. You have to feel it. You have to work it through. You are not doing yourself one damn bit of good continuing to hide in your comfort zone, hopin’, wishin’, and prayin’.
Odds are exceptionally good at this point- you’ve already been in some situations where you know damn well most of the people you know would be bawling. But you didn’t. You know damn well they’d slam a door or yell or maybe even just have a healthy discussion about boundaries or otherwise.
But, you made a smart ass remark. Your face kept stony but you could feel those weird little prickings in your nose and eyes. Nope, nope nope.
That’s fuckin’ Aquarius South Node shit right there and you need to let it go. Do you want to have to do this shit again in your 50s? Because that’s how you wind up doing it again in your 50s. Look back on your own 1st nodal return- what’s coming right on back up?
What my eldest and my partner are both dealing with- and, well, in whatever ways it is you are, if this happens to be your nodal return: the struggle between who you are, what you desire, how you get it and what you put up with. The battle between comfort and freedom. The war between connections and protections. Vulnerability and safety.
It’s just in different phases of life. The thing is, though often when we do not take care of that shit during one phase- it has a way of coming up to bite us in the ass in the next. We all know that, okay, growing up is highly, highly overrated. Fun is fun. There are tons of things that are fun at 18 and still fun- and okay at 37. But there are a lot of things you really shouldn’t be clinging to- from when you were 18-19 that many people are still doing at 37. I’m not talkin’ about fucking yoga pants and leggings, sit down, you cat-asshole faced pearl clutchers.
You know who really, truly defines those things at 37 you should probably let go of?
The person who’s hanging onto them. It’s a matter of cost benefit, entirely.
The thing about your 2nd Leo Nodal Return? You are fucking magnificent. You have developed into this immensely magnificent person- and that shit is scary. It’s intimidating as hell. Whatever the individual reasons you’ve got for doing so: you’re resisting. You’re the guy who busted their ass to get where you are- and to develop whatever talents and skills, you blew ‘em all way at the audition and it’s opening night: not only did your costume spontaneously combust but you’re standing in the wings about to be shoved on out with the only voice you’ve got being that awkward ass frog croak thing.
Except, it doesn’t have to be like that. First? It’s a nude scene anyway. I mean, not like Equus nude, no horses are needed but it’s high time you showed everyone ALL of your magnificence. All of your not-so-magnificence, too. Being that vulnerable isn’t easy but the reason you’re stuck is…you need to be. Everything you want on the other side of fear and all that shit.
You know why loads of people have affairs or otherwise during their second nodal return? They’re looking for a connection they are actively denying themselves- projecting and refusing to see that it’s their inability to be totally vulnerable that keeps things where they are there so rather than look inward, they think the connection failures are everyone else’s fault. Why do loads of people wind up feeling like they’ve been stuck in the same shit job forever? Same sort of thing. There are always reasons and believe that nobody rationalizes shit like an Aquarius South Node. You can use a golden pistol if you like, but the bullet’s still going into your foot.
This is something Leos of all types often suspect but in this case, it holds completely true for this 2nd Nodal Return:
IT IS TOTALLY ALL ABOUT YOU. EVERY LAST FUCKING BIT.
And you won’t find that shit in other people. You won’t find it in their approval as you deny yourself- you won’t find it in the job, the family, none of that: unless, of course, you found it in yourself and recognize that’s actually what you truly desire and you are willing to be open to it happening. If it ain’t what you really want- you will be hard pressed to be open to it.
That sounds kind of glib and shitty but it isn’t.
We convince ourselves and even strive for lots of things we never really want. So, too, do we look at what we think we deserve and accept less based on that.
Here’s the other thing about picking up and wearing your crown- it comes with a lot of responsibility. It’s not really all about some Mel Brook’s Piss Boy “It’s Good To Be the King” and you know that by now.
You have to stop being afraid of living openly, passionately and doing everything you can to get everything you desire.
Your desires matter.
They deserve your effort.
Now pick up your fucking crown and strut with that shit.