I talked about my second nodal return but what I did not mention is, two of the most important people in my life- began their nodal returns right as I got out of mine. I didn’t start this with the transit shift itself because…okay, I was just being lazy and burned out at the time. Anyway, though, running through this in the final months of this one isn’t a bad idea, especially given the life events I have observed in both of them. You’ll have to pardon some vagueness on the details- some of this shit’s pretty private stuff. If it were me, sure. But it’s them and so, well, if you happen to be a Leo/Aquarius nodal axis person, this should be fairly helpful to you. At least, I kinda hope so? Anyway. I knew some of my clients were also dealing with this, so if you got linked to this outta nowhere, that’s why.
If you are at all curious, look at the link above wherein I explain how you know if you’re going through yours. They happen typically at about the same time for everyone: right around every 19 years or so. You can also find charts and such to determine yours exactly- or you know, you could…hire somebody.
Something in you caused me to
Take a new tact with you
You were going through something
I had just about scraped through
Why do you think I let you get away
With the things you say to me?
Granted, the Nodal Return for a Virgo-Pisces is vastly different compared to those of you who started your North Node Leo return May 10th of last year. I will tell you this: it’s kind of interesting watching someone go through their first and at the same time, watching someone else go through their second.
Particularly this Leo-Aquarius axis shit. I thought confronting my little crucifixion habit was a massive pain in the ass, but this? My eldest and my partner, Kurt are on the stage in their underpants.
Let me point out that they’re in this household, to boot:
Let’s Talk About that Aquarius South Node
It’ll be over-ish, in a sense come about November 15th when things shift into the Cancer-Capricorn axis. I say ‘ish” because the thing is, I am still getting my bearings from actively working on mine and here tis, over a year later.
Aquarius is a wonderful sign. I’m not saying that to be glib, it truly is and each and every sign delivers its own brand of unique amazing. Except, it also delivers its own brand of shittiness.
If you want- you can kind of look at this particular axis as the South Node being your bullshit and the North Node being how you resolve it but honestly, it’s not that simple. The basic gist here is that the South represents the things that have gone unresolved and the North is more or less how you resolve it. You can go pretty fluffy and esoteric with all of that if you like: and I will say I find some of that terribly interesting, though not all that useful in a practical sense.
Mercury Retrograde Is In Fact On Its Way- but…
Given we are in fact, in a handful of other retrograde cycles- Mercury stationing retrograde on July 26th, bringing with it one hellacious T square: ya’ll need this damn practical sense. Shit, we all do. (I am less concerned with the Merc. Rx and more with that T square, and will go into that, as well as we go on.)
A bit of a look back: I was…heavily addicted to pain pills throughout the first portion of my nodal return which…hi there, Pisces South Node. Not only that, I was overloading myself with toxic people and crying about it but…doing very little to change it. I don’t find it at all coincidental that, as I cut those ties- I also got clean. It wasn’t just that, though: I also formed some very healthy friendships which I continue to nurture and I continue to pay attention to red flags: I give no shits about beating people in the head with the hammer they attempt to get me to drive in my nails. I don’t set myself on fire to keep assholes warm anymore.
A lot of that is pretty standard Virgo North Node, Pisces South stuff. Now, Aquarius South Node, on the other hand…
When we are talking about Aquarius in terms of the South Node- we’re dealing with something akin to Pisces South Node. Sort of. Whereas Pisces felt way too damn much and sought escape…Aquarius in its shadow form is an apathetic asshole. This isn’t the detached chill- this is a nasty sort of avoidance, in and of itself. Rationalizing things. Essentially, using your brain to distance yourself from your heart. Of course, there is a positive way that transpires- everything’s got an upshot and a downshot but bear in mind this is South node: the problem.
Aquarius also happens to usually be the place where you find unresolved trauma, buried under an air of totally bullshit coldness. You protesteth too much. Or perhaps you have convinced yourself that you do not care to the point you actually buy your own con- but your heart, body, and deep down, your mind know better. Your shittier habits tend to reveal this but you probably rationalize that shit away, too- because you could rationalize pretty much anything.
Underneath that veneer of not giving a shit, you give more shits than anyone- but the fact is, because of the wounds you have encountered: you are incredibly full of shit. It’s not all that different to lighting an incense stick in the doorway of a barn where you’ve kept a prized bull all winter long. Pretty much everyone knows your barn is full of shit. You’ve got the doors shut, the incense stick lit but: come on. Everyone knows. Except…maybe, you.
And the only one that’s gotta go in that barn- is you. You could invite others in to help out and probably you have a lot of people who would: but you’re too busy pretending you don’t care that your barn is the Golgothan Shit Demon from Dogma. The other issue? Procrastination in the name of perfection or needing all the details. Do you really need more information to know that barn needs cleaned?
But that’s the thing here- getting stuck. The thing is, anytime you want to achieve a goal, see your dreams come true or otherwise make shit happen: you’ve got to be able to observe things- which, North Node Leo-South Node Aquarius is great at, but then…you have to do something about it. Problem is, if you’re sitting there waiting on more information or you’re pulling some “Well, we’ll wait and see.” shit- you’re not going anywhere. The big general “Oh look, you’re back on your bullshit.” here would be- just being kinda adrift and not claiming leadership in your own life for whatever reason it is you are.
Often, these people feel like they’re helping everybody else get their shit in order because they can see things a bit more clearly- except, as they get everyone else’s shit together: their own shit is being ignored. Mucking out everybody else’s barn but theirs. And rationalizing the hell out of it every step of the way.
That sounds kinda mean but here’s the thing: you do this, and you’re always feeling powerless. It’s a weird catch 22, honestly because it may seem to everyone else like you’ve got it all together- you are, after all, the guy everyone knows will lend an ear, give good advice and maybe, you’re even the one that never seems to lose it even as those around you do. It ain’t. Hate to tell you kid, but you’re not going placidly amid the noise and haste- you’re in Denial not Desiderata.
Maybe you blow up from time to time, maybe you don’t. That factors other things, but I’ve seen this happen in both Kurt and my eldest. Bile’s got a way of rising on up, no matter how solidly you swallow it. Just kinda churns and bubbles in your guts- and resentment is no good. You can pretend you don’t care all the way up until the fact that you do explodes everywhere.
So, what’s to be done about this?
That’s next time but essentially: you need to be less Aquarius, more Leo.
I don’t think I will ever, ever not love this video. The memories of a very young me and a lightbulb going BLAMMO on it evokes is a happy part of that weird nostalgia.
If you happen to be in the 18-19 age group dealing with this…
If you’re in the 36-38 age group dealing with this…