First off, yesterday- I discovered that I needed more documentation to prove to Homeland Security that I can in fact, legally work and am not a terrorist. My reaction was less than mature:
Before I go into this, let me state: I am in no way saying that you should treat people like shit. I am also not saying that being mindful and otherwise is bad- it isn’t, in fact, I try to be. What I am saying, however, is this: no, Virginia, not everyone’s worth is the same.
There is this balance between compassion and allowing others to drain your tap but I am starting to notice: a lot of people don’t get that.
This morning I was talking to my mentor- who is an 89 year old woman still living on her own in the middle of the woods. Kinda life goals, that. We were joking around about the various curses people are playing around with, due to the uptick in Left Hand path shit floating about: and she says,
I cain’t git my head around hexin’ ennybody these days. They do it to themselves jus’ faaaaahn wit’out wasting my energy onnit.
I need to record her at some point. The hills are indeed, alive in that accent. The thing of it is, I don’t think that you have to believe in hexes or whatever to find the merit of that quote. It’s true.
I’ve mentioned before, the truly toxic? Have all the worth of a watery shit on a camping trip.
What the hell do we mean when we say “Frith IS the religion”?
I am not Theodish- that is a particular designation I have seen others toss out there, but there’s a process involved in being able to lay claim to that. Inasmuch as I wholeheartedly agree with the values there, I have not undergone said process but, if you want to understand what I believe in a nutshell? Garman Lord, as usual, hit the nail on the head:
“The universe, the Northern Path, the true folk religion, is not at all a journey into the “self;” that idea in itself is magical, a reification, and a mere romantic palliative, not a cure.
The true “journey” is not into the self at all, but its opposite; community.”
First off, this may not apply to you. If it does not, then, by all means, you go take a seat- you have different goals and ideals, that’s fine. I did not always feel this way and frankly: I was an absolutely miserable wreck for it. The above quote is not dismissive of introspection at all- but I think that’s a post for another time.
When I stopped making shallow excuses for my refusal to connect with other women, ala: too much drama, women are blah blah blah and recognized that for the weak ass shit it truly is?
The quality of my friendships shot up and the quantity went way down. I’m okay with this. Not only am I okay with it: rather frankly the friendships I’ve got set the template. Problem is, I have the social skills of a damn junkyard dog. I am working on that, too, as I recognized that was also an excuse I was using. The biggest problem that I have run into on that front is this: the life and the home I am building with my partner, ergo, my partner- are at the top of the food chain, here.
I caught myself about to launch into an explanation of this last night: I do not have to be friends with someone’s partner and in fact, I am often not. That’s usually not due to any deficit on their part or mine: it’s just silly to expect you will like everyone and everyone will like you. However: if a friend has a partner, I respect that partner for their position and I don’t shit on that. I expect that respect, ergo, I give it.
This doesn’t mean that outside hobbies, interests, and friendships are not important. In fact, they become especially important.
Frith Vs. Grith
I think there is a really disturbing tendency to eschew the notion of frith in modern heathenry- and frankly, I don’t associate with those people. Frith is the cornerstone of my religion: not worship of some far flung deity, not a hilariously over the top amount of woo- but this.
I would never, ever attest to being the perfect partner. The perfect friend. I am decidedly not however: frith is what makes me strive for better, to be better for those I am closest to.
Frith is the tie that keeps the peace within your inner circle. That circle begins at the center and is very tight: your home and family, moving out into those you are closest to. It is a cornerstone of your inner circle and it is the peace, the sense of sanctuary and closeness- and the actions based upon that. A hug, a shoulder, or a firm ass kicking come from the same place, here. These are those in your life who you have seen proven worth- and hopefully, you’ve shown them the same. This is the continuous give and take that binds a real community together. By community, I don’t mean some big ass group on Facebook: I mean, community. A close knit group that looks out for its own because tribalism, duh.
Here’s the thing about that- the friends I have? Won’t hesitate to express concern about choices I make respective of my home life and partner. This is not shitting on my partner. What this is, is a small handful of people I can trust to listen and give advice that is in my best interest. Where an opinion comes from and why it is given matters- which…is where we get into grith.
Frith and grith, though I have seen them used interchangeably- are not. My frith bonds enrich my life in ways above and beyond what I can actually even say. These are friends I’d do just about anything for and their opinions and otherwise matter. It is far from always happy and fluffy feel goodisms- and it definitely doesn’t mean that everyone involved is always in perfect agreement with everyone. Actually, this is a part of the discipline required of keeping that peace.
Grith is rather technically speaking not something you can just invoke for shits and giggles- and in more traditional contexts is the diplomacy invoked, even temporarily by an authority figure. In more modern circles and contexts, however: it’s just keeping good manners and a light touch with your extended community in terms of not pissing everyone off around you. I could go more into the historical and ritualistic contexts there- but I don’t really use the word grith. When I have seen it used: the person just means manners. That, I am working on.
In the meantime, I met two people this week that I have got not one iota of a clue in terms of how to be all: “Hey, I think I’d dig the shit outta bein’ friends, wanna swap freakin’ sourdough starters?”