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Exploring a Grand Tableau- exploded parts, everywhere!

Okay, it’s part 3, technically, but I am also playing catch up- so it’s like 3, 4, and part of five…and a recipe and rant or two thrown in.

Ya’ll, we are in the pre-shadow of Mercury Retrograde and the freaking moon is void of course. Mercury stations retrograde in Sagittarius on December 3rd. Bad but fun advice: bring up politics at your family gatherings! It’ll be fun in that, “Granny’s drinking way too much at dinner again” way.

This was SUCH a bad idea.

Time to post edit: Oh god, oh god. I am almost afraid to start the videos uploading and hit the publish button. You don’t understand what kinda day it has been!

It could be worse. My partner is actually working the Thanksgiving holiday at Wal Mart today. Horrible evil sack of shit place it is.


Oh and cats. Everywhere.


If you’re one of my read-along students: do yourself a HUGE favor and make sure you’re taking notes. Not so much method notes, I mean, you can if you want: but, you have got to pretend you’re making the outline of a book here. This is one way you can train yourself to tell the whole story. 

Also, because today is Jen’s birthday, head on over to her page and wish her a good one.

He can’t read so he does not know, that the cards are not for him… 

Okay- so, between the final week of classes before the holiday break and preparing for the actual holidays…and, frankly, just the way my life tends to roll: we’ve had a bit of a break between posts. I have, however, been working with some of you in the private messages and emails to better understand the concepts we’ve covered this far. You can find those here and here. We’re going to cover a LOT of ground in this one: but I am also going to break this down quite a bit as we go.

Also, for those who asked if I am working on or have a book about Lenormand…why, yes, yes, I do. But, being as it comes with a printable deck that I am only inking just now…that’s gonna have to wait.

We’re doing this from my kitchen and we’re going from PJs and a make shift double boiler to probably tarted up and packaged food ready to go. Actually- right now, it’s about six thirty in the morning and I am sitting here, next to my cat, sneezing my head off. But anyway- the videos at least are going to start in my kitchen as it is Thanksgiving and I’ve got to make homemade snickers for a family gathering. Yes, my kitchen is tiny, cluttered, and odd. It’s a reflection of me, what can I say?

For those who asked for my recipe, we’ll do a bit of that, too. I told you it was gonna cover a lot of ground. Before we begin, however, I had a bit of an incident with one of the students that I briefly mentioned on Facebook.

Intuitive Readers, this one’s especially for you.

And by that, I mean those of you who feel you can disrespect those of us who learned how to use the tools .There is not one divination professional alive who would discount intuition. Not a one. There is not one of us who would ever, in a million years- tell you that you are wrong to use intuition in your readings. Matter of fact, we will usually tell you to run with it.

There’s been a rise in “Intuitive Readers” recently, however, who seem to think that if you do take the time to learn things and you teach that way- you’re wrong. Let’s start with the recipe before I get mean.

Here are your ingredients.


You can see, all the visual cues are there. Of course, each one of these is edible on its own, matter of fact, most of these things taste pretty good.

Right then, so, use your intuition and make these things Snickers bars.

Now what, bitch?

People who’ve seen me whip these out without book or list, well, they seem to think that’s how I do it. No, how I do it, was first, learning how to do it, memorizing and adding my own touches to things. Now? I can do it no problems- but, if you’re unfamiliar with this recipe, can you, really? Maybe.

You can probably sit there and figure out parts of it, right? But…you know what else you can do?

Read the recipe I am about to show you, learn to put it all together and understand that you can in fact, make substitutions, you can even make peanut butter cups with some of those ingredients if you want: but, if you’re looking to learn to do any of that, odds are pretty good you can’t just use your intuition to do it. Trial and error? Sure. Boy, that’s a waste of time and resources, though. Grandad used to say that if I spent as much time learning and working as I did trying to get out of it- I’d be brilliant: and well, the same holds true here.

(Oh and by the way- the vegan version of this- for my Casey and other vegans: Replace the butter with coconut oil. Replace the milk or cream with oat, rice, almond or coconut milk. Soy tastes freaking weird, don’t do it. But that Marshmallow Fluff…no, it isn’t vegan. Nor is it particularly healthy. What to do? Learn the MOST USEFUL MOTHERFUCKING RECIPE EVER. Make it ahead of time- can of chickpeas- drain them and use the juice for your marshmallow fluff, use the beans for something else, half cup of super fine sugar. Yes, you can use agave if you want or that oogy ass xyletol. You can use honey, but it won’t be vegan. Conversions: ⅓ cup of the replacers to every ½ cup sugar. Beat the shit out of it. You’re looking at a good fifteen, twenty minutes for marshmallow fluff, maybe 10 or so for meringues: Think about all those sweets recipes you’d use something like this in: it’s worth it- I mean, just think! You can use this to make vegan nougat so you canIMG_0234.JPG tame your very own baby demigorgon! You are welcome.)

Back to the point about readings…

Read fully intuitively if you want. I’ve had some AMAZING intuitive readings. Do not shit on people who took the time to learn, though. You also took the time to learn to use your intuition the way that you do- if you’re actually good at it- it’s the same thing.

And you damn sure don’t wanna come to me, or anybody else who’s learned to do this so you can get unstuck- and then insult their experience and knowledge by not respecting it.

The Recipe

2 cups chocolate chips (divided into two 1 cup portions)
3/4 cup peanut butter (divided into three 1/4 cup portions)
1/4 cup butter
1 cup sugar
1/2 cup evaporated milk or heavy whipping cream (divided into two 1/4 cup portions)
7 oz tub marshmallow cream
1 tsp vanilla
1 1/2 cups salted peanuts
1 bag caramels (11 oz)

In the video, I’m using other things because, well, that’s what I got on hand plus- I have to make a nut-bit less version. (I have yet to come up with a totally nutless version of this.)

Clear a little space in your freezer for whatever pan you’ll be using.

Line a 9×13 pan with parchment paper or foil- you WILL thank me for this, because if you try this without it: it’s a pain in the ass to remove. When I use foil- I grease it very lightly. You don’t have to do that with parchment.

Melt 1 cup chocolate chips + 1/4 cup peanut butter: some people do this in the microwave, I do not know how- I make a make shift double boiler and do it that way. Take this, spread it out in a thin layer across the bottom of the pan and put the pan in the freezer.

Melt the butter, sugar and 1/4 cup evaporated milk in a small saucepan on medium heat until the butter starts to melt. Slowly bring this to a boil and stir constantly as it does for about five minutes. Remove it from the heat after that, add ¼ cup of peanut butter, marshmallow fluff and vanilla. Stir this until it’s smooth. Pull your now hopefully hardened chocolate bottom (tee hee) out of the freezer and spread this mixture across the top, evenly. Put it back in the freezer.

DO NOT GET DISTRACTED BY FACEBOOK WHILE MELTING THE CARAMELS. Melt them with ¼ cup evaporated milk or otherwise, stirring until it’s all combined and the caramels are melted completely. Take your pan out of the freezer again, layer that on, again. Take your peanuts- and layer them ontop of that, very gently pressing them into it. Back in the freezer.

Now, melt one cup of chocolate chips and ¼ cup of peanut butter, til smooth, get your pan out of the freezer again- and, spread your final layer on the top. Put it back in the freezer for around a half hour or 45 minutes. Take it out again and cut them while they’re still frozen/cold like this as it makes the cutting prettier.

Because you didn’t use all the gnarly chemicals they do in Snickers- you need to store these in the refrigerator. They can be out on a table a few hours no problem, though- they do tend to soften a bit.

Now, back to the reading.

Something else that often comes up in the context of the Lenormand Grand Tableau: the different spreads. There are two types, and I am working with the 9 by 4- which means, nine rows across, four down. The reasons that I chose to go with this- first: it’s how I do it. It’s how I learned, how I am most comfortable. So, it’s also simpler for me to explain. You can also of course, use the 8 by 4 by 4. This means your spread will look something like this:


I have now tried to rotate this image 6 times, and each time, my computer freezes. You wanna know what’s funny- blow that photo up and read it for my day. And cry. And twitch. 

A few things to note:

We don’t do reversals in Lenormand, so, you just flip those puppies around.

And no, I’m not talking about the “difference of opinion” that often gets lobbed about reversals in Tarot- it isn’t DONE in Lenormand. You will never find a “traditional” Lenormand Little White Book with reversals: because they do not factor in. Maybe somebody out there came up with their own reversals- it happens- but, it’s not a traditional Lenormand thing. I do reversals with Tarot- because I learned on book first, then went off book. I don’t think you’re wrong for not doing reversals in Tarot…but, unless you specifically state you came up with your own reversals in Lenormand: yes, you are wrong if you say it’s traditional. It is not.

This is not the deck we’ve been working with- this is the Alice in Wonderland Lenormand by Pepi Valderrama. Yes, that’s a gummi worm, a fidget spinner, a toy helicopter and a pen, because as I mentioned: living room, writing this over coffee. It’s a mess in here as I had two five year olds…but, rather than go to my office to grab the other deck, I just went to the bookshelf and grabbed a random one. Perks of being a collector.

Okay, so we have that different spread, is it better? Is it worse? No. No. It’s just different.
You still pretty much read it the same way, save that final row of four will be another future row, or the “fate” cards. Being as you’re still using the same 36 cards, it is still the same reading and we’ll get to that later on- but: yes, it’s pretty much the same thing.

Moving on- in the private tutoring- we’ve been discussing timing in the Grand Tableau and this is a great time to take a peek at that. We established before that as this is a love reading- I chose the Heart as the signifier. However…now, being as we also know this is between people who identify as a Man and a Woman, we can work with those cards a bit: we’ve already seen that the Woman card in the spread: she’s taking a risk. We’ll get to the Man, next, as he pops up in the next row. Of course, in this image he’s got a big stretch of blue arrow over his face- which is fine, because at that juncture: it ain’t about hiiiiiiim.

So far

Something else that got brought up in my private lessons: if your spread doesn’t offer you such a clear cut “OK, look, it’s a love reading and the querent appears RIGHT SMACK IN THAT ROW, with the object of the query in the next”- don’t worry about it. First: as you develop your skill in this, you may well have this happen a lot. I can’t explain that, it just happens. Second: that may not be the way the cards wanna lay it out for you. Go with it. Trust both your instincts and the medium, here.

So- first, let’s look:

Our row with the signifier card, and the woman card is

But…we need to flesh out our characters: we start with the leading lady in our scenario. We already know she’s taking risks, we know there have been jealousy problems- which- sneak peak: cause issues for him- but…why?

The Woman

So, next we get into nougat and this guy.

Man and Heart-

Well, yes, he’s a romantic fella with romantic feelings. That’s going the wrong way, though- that’s the past and he is aware. This is not unconscious for him, he knows, it’s right there. Given all the things in my spread that talk about the guy- think about a Venus in Sagittarius person- he might not be, but I am and, well, frankly we are in love with the idea of being in love. It’s WONDERFUL. For…a little bit.

Take it on back a little more…you can’t see it, but the Flowers or Bouquet is back there in his past- since this is a relationship reading and he’s the ex, and it’s immediate: honestly, he also thought this was an amazing relationship, too.

Sadly, though, all is not shits and giggles in love and war.

I look at him and the surrounding cards plus what I know and, there was some sort of written thing- a text, an email, Facebook message, something- where jealousy was a big deal and though it is highly likely he gave just as good as he got: that’s what put the kibosh on this romance for him.

At this point- I’d advise the client to think about that particular snip of time, that conversation or those conversations and really LOOK AT IT.

Why? You go down- there’s Man and Letter. You go over- there’s a man who was pretty enchanted. You go diagonal with the Heart signifier above: there’s the jealousy. Tada: message of jealousy caused problems.

The Man

Go over- Man and Coffin: he said, “Fuck this shit, I’m out” or she did. They both may have. It bummed him out, though. That’s kind of important because then- go diagonal again.

Man and Star. Look over. Letter and Star. In the future columns.

I’m cheating because, this is something that already happened and she already told me- but I’d already laid this out: he got in touch. Maybe he’d had dreams of her, maybe…a psychic tol- oh okay, that is one possible interpretation: but, put all of this together and he got in touch and it was a positive step. So far.

Ya’ll, I got distracted and burned my damn sugar for the nougat. Pig was thrilled. Me? Not so much… (By the way: Extremely hot water and salt. Use a ball of tin foil and it’ll come right off.)
Suck it, Pinterest. It turned out great the second batch.

Right then…back to it.

Now, we’re gonna tackle timing. Basically. 

“Heimdallr, get your fuzzy ass off my cards.” “Mmmmmnope. Perhaps you’d prefer the squirrel if you’re having trouble getting messages?” “LOOK HERE YOU LITTLE SHIT.” “I am going to blow my horn ALL OVER YOUR CARDS…”

There IS a school of thought that holds that each of the future columns is equal to a week- though, this may not necessarily hold true in your reading. It happened to, in terms of when he’d get back in touch, funny enough.


Another thing you can do is to understand that the line under the signifier- in this case, is the present. Except…does time really work this way? Particularly when you get into unconscious factors from the past playing a role in things?

Okay, okay, slow your roll, Time Lord. Here’s what we do- you know where the man and woman are. They are pretty close to being in the same place, here. We just need to twang the banjo strings of time a little. The video for this part ended up being a Facebook live video- here:

Oh look. He has pants on and is being helpful….doing up the peanuts on the nougat and the caramel sauce…

She is actually in the present tense, where as…he’s actually one step ahead of her. Is this a good thing? MAYBE. Given he’s been in touch already within the week by column timeline: it could be we just figure on a good six weeks. But…there’s a whole lot of cards contained in those six weeks- aren’t there? So, we can do it that way or..

You can continue on and read them out piece at a time in sequence. Which, we will do in the next post on the subject. For now, I have family stuff to attend to.

Until then, whatever it is you’re doing today- have a good time, eat something good and say hey to your mom and ‘em for me. 😉


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