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So, I did the natal chart of a for real centaur today…

Fair warning: I am going to swear in this a lot, because I’m pretty sure the person I’m profiling would appreciate it. Beyond that- if this seems a little bit vague, that’s because whenever I do a public expo charting that is not me, unless I’m otherwise given permission- I’m gonna blur things a bit because, well, some things are pretty personal.

If, by chance, you do not find this to be all that vague- please do order your chart from me. Of course, you’ll be getting a Sirius chart report, but, well, from there, you can get readings from me and the readings will be quite brutal and lovely. A chart delineation like this one? I only do them for very, very special people or, well, those who pay for the time and energy it takes me to do this: and I’m not sorry to tell you, this isn’t cheap. I think, though, you’ll find that the Sirius reports are full of badassery goodness- otherwise we would not use that software or sell them. But, yeah, you want the rough stuff from The Goat herself? Order readings after your chart. You won’t be sorry. You want me to do your chart, all live like and in person? Well…that’s…kind of my prerogative or not. Some are just too interesting for me to resist. Danny’s here? Oh yes. It definitely counts.

Well, look at this. This guy is like Captain Sagittarius Man, and, as a result- he’s either someone you absolutely adore or you cannot stand. There are very few instances of a middle ground.


Let’s talk about that just a bit before moving on. Taking a look at this chart, what can be seen almost right off the bat: the guy’s not someone who is beat down for long, though loads of people try. We’ve got a pretty massive first house thing going here- which, to some outside observer, could come across as a bit on the self-absorbed side. Therein lies your fuckin’ problem, right there, people- he’s not.

As a matter of fact, often, there is nothing you could say to him that would be harsher than things he’s said to himself. There’s a gnarly ass Saturn aspect there- not only is it conjunct the Sun in Sagittarius (With Sag rising, to boot.) but, that Saturn also squares the midheaven making for an almost naturally lonely person. This is due in part to on occasion, being very much surrounded by total assholes creating a large sort of block- and defense mechanisms which can result in a personality that though it may often seem quite open: hides so much in plain sight. This is expressed where Saturn’s trine Uranus, but, gets a bit interesting because putting all of this with Saturn retrograde in the natal chart- this is also someone who is often referred to as an “old soul” and, in fact- certain schools of astrological thought would say that there are a number of indications to back this.

Moving on from Saturn into Pluto- and any time I am dealing with someone who works in this particular field, I’ll give Pluto special consideration as well as the 12th house- we’ll get to that in a minute.

First things first- we got a hot mess with Pluto conjunct the midheaven- which, by the way, is aspected all to hell and back- quite literally. We’re gonna look at that as well as the fact that Jupiter is trine Pluto and this is where we dip on over into that 12th house- because it comes together here.

First- those Pluto aspects denote a true reformer in the other side, so to speak. Someone who has a deep need to be an established authority- yet will not stand on said authority until he is absolutely convinced and has rendered any argument academic. Because of this, his life will almost constantly be one of seeking truth, wishing to convey truth- and unfortunately, this will piss off a lot of people because, well, as the saying goes: The truth will set you free- but first, it will piss you off. Fortunately, the truth simply doesn’t give a shit. Wiggle in just a wee bit of that Mercury sextile Pluto- not only is he mechanically inclined, but, he’s someone who is going to sink his teeth into the pants leg of anything until he’s eeking out every last drop of truth he can: sometimes, this is going to go on…well, pretty much forever.

Little side note before I get into the 12th and wrap this brief exploration up: his close personal relationships will always involve conflict. Though he hates it, he absolutely needs it. Problem is, many who present the conflict aren’t doing so in a challenging manner- but rather, a controlling and manipulative one. Dude’s soul’s so old it’s got cosmic depends on, he’s still going, still exploring- he needs people to challenge him, especially in romantic partners. Unfortunately, on this plane of existence this often gets dangled like a really pretty fishing lure- and he won’t see that this isn’t exactly what he thought it was until that hook’s in his mouth. Best way to avoid this is in making damn sure anyone that gets close is every bit as driven and has actual goals. Not a particularly romantic dealbreaker- but one of the biggest problems in this, expressed across the charts is that because of the strong nature, because of the driven curiosity, the sort of soul depth thing- those who aren’t on that level get very insecure, try to beat it all down, because, frankly, it makes them feel stupid and so, the way that’s dealt with is in trying to make him feel stupid or otherwise “crazy”, when…well, he’s not.

Here’s where we get into that 12th house and any astrologer worth their salt is going HOLY SHIT MERCURY LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER. Not only is he a true reformer in all things other side, communication will play a pivotal role in this. (Which is a total duh for me, because I know who the hell I’m talking about. It is, however, always cool to see it just mapped out.)

There are much, much worse aspects you could have in the house of the subconscious. Like…Neptune. Which…is also there. Shit. Well, first let’s get into Mercury cozing right on up to that Neptune- intuition is actually a big thing, in spite of allowing the pants-cannon and the heart to obfuscate things a bit. In the ol’ love life this one kind of sucks because sometimes, he just knows things. He can’t explain how, but he does, and then? The partner goes absolutely bugshit, imagining that he’s snooping or otherwise prodding- and frankly, given a lot of this Mercury stuff: he probably has been. However, his intuition is often the source of his further digging- partly because he doesn’t fully trust it, partly because it’s sort of this hamster on crack of curiosity. He literally has to know more.

Here, we have more bloody fucking Sagittarius. The guy is a literal hot mess of Jim Morrison reincarnated. Jim did die in ‘71, soooooo, heeey. (I kid. You ever notice whenever somebody is going on about past lives- nobody’s ever just like, a baker or a cobbler. Oh no. We got famous people being reborn nine hundred times the world over. It’s astounding. I would, however, hazard a guess given I have done Jim’s chart many, many times- and looking at this guy’s? They would have been friends until their mutual partying killed them both. Probably better they didn’t know one another this go ‘round.)

Mercury in Sagittarius means that he tends to feel like if somebody is being sort of namby pamby about things and beating around the bush- well, he’s inclined to wonder what the fuck they’re lying about. He, himself, when he feels solid in the truth- will convey it with plain speak and candor. His biggest problem- the “Shooting himself in the foot” area that is often illustrated in this 12th house?

His Moon, which is in Virgo, squares Mercury. That’s a fucked up hell of a conflict. He can be something of a moody sort, and the worst of it is- when his emotional control gets wiggled loose: suddenly, that candor isn’t quite so clear. His emotions will color how he conveys things- if he doesn’t withdraw completely, and he may book it on back to the safe place he’s created for himself within his mind. However, if he doesn’t- those emotions will become a loud, cacophonous roar that is hard to sort through.

Right then, so, we talk of old souls and that kind of thing, there’d better be something on the ol’ true node. Now, this is one aspect that has been beaten to a fluffy new age barf-bag by people who really want to soften the blow of beatings we really need to take. True node- or the North node is all about destiny- do you really want this shit silky smooth unicorn farts? I thought not. And for the love of all that’s holy, the fixation with the True node and freaking soulmates…


And what is that True node, exactly?


Yep, it’s frickin’ Sagittarius, again. You’re just a centaur. Give it up. Known as kentauroi in Greek mythology- savage half human, half horse beings that lived beyond Man’s laws. The most well known of these were Chiron and Pholos- both of which were involved in a story of wisdom, pain, partying with satyr wine and I could go on, but that’s sort of the cliff’s notes version. For this guy, though…Chiron’s most certainly an appropriate- being in both Aries and the 4th house. Chiron suffered greatly and because he did: he learned more and more- perhaps more than anyone, and he taught many until finally, the one thing that could end his suffering was self sacrifice. That fourth house indicates that this is someone who will never feel “right” in this world- and will continually seek. A courageous trailblazer, given to bouts of tremendous pain- he can either lose himself to fantasy entirely or accept that, well, fuck it, out of place is his place– and in doing that, he’ll learn more than he ever dreamed, teaching those he comes into contact with. Long story short, centaurs don’t fuck around. In play or otherwise. 


I didn’t even go into this progressed chart- but let me tell you, there is no other time when you feel most at home than when you are lost- and not all who wander are lost, y’know. You feel older than dirt- but your adventure’s just starting and the truths you’re looking for are just gonna run you ragged in all the best ways.


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