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The Lists

In my weird line of work, I often get clients that come to me with extremely heavy hearts. Rather unfortunately, they generally think they’ve been cursed, or that they have some sort of negative entity that has latched onto them.  (I’m sure you’re like “What the heck does she do? I write. But in some fantastic and odd coincidence, a hobby of mine turned into well, writing about said hobby: which happens to be divination.)  I swear a bit in this post, if you don’t like it- well, imagine a “BLEEP” in your head over it. Because for me, this is one of those subjects.
Equally unfortunately, there are a lot of people who make a lot of money to promote that idea and of course, they always have the means to rid the client of whatever’s ailing them. Only, that cure never works. Usually, I’ll get the client in one of two stages: they have just become very fed up with all the “bad luck” or they have spent a tremendous amount of money and time going to frauds that have really done a number on their heads. Those frauds, incidentally, are not always just crystal ball toting weirdos- sometimes, they’re found in very expensive churches. (Doesn’t mean your church is like this and it doesn’t mean all crystal ball toting weirdos are like this: obviously.)
Anyway, that’s a rant for the other blog- but, the truth is, and the thing that actually relates to this one, is it’s very, very, very rarely ever one of those two things. Again, this is for another rant, but it’s a really sad testament to society when we’d rather pretend we’ve got a demon hanging out in our soul than admit we just suck, sometimes.
And we all suck sometimes.
So, how in the world does this relate to homesteading?
Recently, there have been a whole slew of stories about horrible things. That’s nothing new. Kids dying in hot cars, dogs dying in hot cars- other things. Those stories have been around for a while, but I’ve noticed a significant difference in the way the people involved in such tragic accidents respond.
I remember about oh man, maybe ten years ago now, seeing one of those horrid baby died in hot car stories. The father was beside himself. He couldn’t even do the interview. He was beside himself with guilt and he kept saying, “What have I done?!”
And that’s an appropriate immediate response to that kind of accident. I’m not supposed to judge, I keep hearing this over and over, but in a recent similar accident: the woman was defensive and fierce. Kept saying all these reasons it wasn’t her fault. You know what? It’s horrible, it’s the most tragic thing a parent can ever go through, but: in both cases, it was most definitely those parents’ fault. I think often, excuses are made because we don’t want to face our own culpability in situations and that’s really unacceptable. I don’t like finger pointing for the most part, I think it’s not really conducive to solutions- but, at some point, you do have to consider that what you do most definitely matters. You can’t run around saying it doesn’t just because you don’t want it to, no matter how tragic the end result is. And if you’re making excuses, be it your hectic life, change of schedule, or whatever: you’re saying that your actions just don’t matter. You can do whatever you please, and it’ll always be someone else’s fault. Well, it’s always someone else’s fault, it’s always under someone else’s control, too.
Sucks to be you.
I say this because when I first started doing this, I made a plethora of excuses when I’d fail. Excuses and all these reasons why I just couldn’t make it work. When we moved to a home in the city, I thought for sure, I’d have more.
But something just sort of snapped. You know how it used to be if you made excuses people would in time tire of your crap? Well, the only way I’ve ever seen that in any recent history is with my quitting smoking. I have probably attempted it about a million times and people are rightfully sick of it, because well, everyone gets hopped up- and then I relapse. This, to me is also an appropriate response to someone who has a million excuses. Eventually, you just stop listening to them. You stop really getting excited. Because, why? You’re just going to be disappointed when it all goes to crap again.
I’m a pretty chronic screw up, so I should probably get that about a lot more than smoking: and I do, by those who actually care enough to hold me to the standards they know I can achieve. They don’t do it out of some stupid self important sense of knowing better, they do it because they love me: and in that same light, that’s how they do it. There is, in fact, a right way to bust someone’s balls, if you actually care about them.
Anyway, for a while now I have been working with some lists. This is what I tell my clients to do when they believe they have a curse or whatever- because like I said, that’s almost never the case and those lists are:
The Fuck It, Chuck It, DO IT, and Bucket Lists
You’ll note there is no place in there for the “Why I didn’t Do It” “Why I didn’t just say Fuck It” or “Why I didn’t chuck it” lists.
Since I started doing this, I have noticed something that comes along for the ride. I start to notice the excuses of others more. Most of them, when in my personal life sound like lies- and I recognize not only are they lying to me, they are lying to themselves. However, I know what that’s like, and so, I usually just smile and nod. Because eventually, they’ll come to a point when they’re ready for a little Loving Ball Busting. If someone IS only lying to you- that’s total crap, but if they’re lying to themselves, you might as well go bust your head on a brick wall a few times for all the good it’ll do you to argue.
It’s really, really hard to hold back in those cases. But sometimes, you gotta stick that on the “Fuck It” list, because, well, nine times out of ten, if you go inward, you realize you actually don’t have time to try walking someone out of the woods of self-deceit, because you’ve got a bunch of trees around you, too.
Anyway- that’s more of a “This is where I’m at mentally” post, but it’s been raining buckets here, alternated with gorgeous sunny skies and warm temps, so I will have some photos of our little set up for you soon. 🙂 I was really embarrassed at first, but like I said, something in me snapped and rather than continue to feel like I sucked, I just started being awesome- and hey man, the results are great.

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